Barriers

I came across this quote. It means a lot to me.

Rumi:
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

I've got barriers built up inside me. A lot of layers of different emotions that I have put up to protect myself. Yet I keep getting hurt. Every time I let someone in and pull down the walls I regret it.

The loneliness is back, that much is clear. It's rearing it's ugly head at night. It's hard for me to sleep. I have so much love to give to someone and no one to give it to. I am 29, ready to be married and settled down, and yet either no one is willing or something goes wrong.

There were so many issues with Tim. My self esteem is still in the dumps over that one. I try so hard to tell myself that it was all him and just me but that little voice inside my head tells me there is no way it was ALL him.

It's almost 2am and I have to get up for work at 4am. Go figure.

I just don't know. I don't know anything anymore.